Silencing the Imposter Syndrome Gremlin

Silencing the Imposter Syndrome Gremlin

I have never fully shrugged off - and I’m not sure that I ever will - that annoying little creature on my shoulder that whispers…and sometimes growls at me:

“You’re not ready.”
“Someone else could do this better.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“You don’t know what you’re doing?”
“This is never going to work.”

“You’ll never be any good at…”

My observation from hundreds of conversations with a range of women over the years; from friends to business acquaintances and colleagues, is that imposter syndrome plagues us all. It doesn’t seem to matter at all how many life achievements, promotions or businesses we’ve had, or the number of rooms we’ve entered, or the board tables we’ve sat at.

Through these chats with the many wonderful women I’ve met during 35+ years in communications and leadership, and now running Sekawomen, I’ve concluded that our imposter syndrome doesn’t stem from a lack of capability, it comes from a hard-wired fear down deep inside that we’re just not good enough. We invest too much time in overthinking and worrying that we “can’t”, “shouldn’t” or “won’t be able to” do or be X, Y, Z.

Here are some key things I’ve realised and reframed for myself and the women I coach:

1. Stop feeling the pressure to have all the answers

Whatever the situation, instead of saying “What if I can’t…” slap the gremlin down by switching your mindset to “I don’t know [X] yet, but I’ll find a way .”

2. Have courage - be 100% yourself

In my early career, I watched some of the women ahead of me pushing themselves to be sharper and tougher because they’d been groomed to believe this was the way to succeed.

What I’ve learned? Warmth, empathy, humour, intuition, EQ and cultural sensitivity are in fact superpowers and leadership strengths. It can feel counter-intuitive, but our confidence grows when we stop performing and start being.

3. Make friends with the gremlin

Whenever that voice pops up, acknowledge it, look it in the eye, but don’t let it take control.

Write it down. If the gremlin’s chanting is feeding anxiety or making you ruminate, take a piece of paper, or a journal, set a timer for 5 minutes and let the words flow. Then review without judging or editing and ask yourself one simple question:

“How much of this is actually really true?”

Then sit with the answers that come to you for a few minutes, before stepping away to do something entirely different. I find that after a while ideas and answers come to me.

Fear reduces when we stop treating it as fact.

4. Be open about failure

During my career and beyond I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’ve always jumped into new opportunities before I felt properly ready and in many cases I’ve had to learn publicly.

However, I’ve come to appreciate that growth requires visibility.

Confidence isn’t about being flawless - it’s about improving while doing and being resilient.

5. Hire and collaborate with gifted people

You do not need to be the expert in everything.

Surrounding yourself with others whose strengths cover your gaps gives you more power and capability - it doesn’t diminish you.

6. Do the thing…try it anyway

Living and working abroad taught me that the biggest growth and transformational experiences happen for us when we’re well outside of our comfort zone.

We can get a confidence boost after we’ve taken action, not the other way around.

Whatever decisions you might be hesitating about - consider this your nudge.

At our women’s retreats and supper clubs many women say, “I wasn’t sure about coming by myself, but I’m so glad I did.”

They leave content, mentally nourished, clearer and more comfortable in their skin.

Relegate your imposter syndrome gremlin to the backseat - it doesn’t get to drive your life.